lunacyoflegomanvalues:

Okay, I’m not here to criticise this (though the build does look pretty good).  I’m only here to point one one thing which caught my eye: his name.

Admit it, ladies and gentlemen: “Calvin Length” is the best porn pseudonym ever.  We have found the gold standard.

I literally choked on my water when I read the bit about having a son, Simon Length.  Cue a riveting discussion with the guy who found this:

B: The brave hero of the story must show him that length isn’t all that matters
A: Max Power can teach him a few lessons about the importance of pure stamina
B: We must write this someday
A: are you suggesting we write a HF smutfic
A: even a satirical one
B: Yes
A: you sick, sick man
A: where do I sign up??

UPDATE: Okay actually we have three other contenders for THAT illustrious title: Rex Fistus, Jackson C. Legs and Alexander Missileking. I love this wiki already.

Ahahahahahahaha oh my god.  Oh my god.  This is beautiful.